Sticks and Stones

We all know the old playground rhymes, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How about, “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say to me, bounces off and sticks to you.” These were defense mechanisms against teasing when I was little. I’m sure they still are.

I am very sensitive to how much input my brain is getting at one time. Noise is my biggest trigger. “I can’t hear myself think!” is a common declaration I make on a regular basis. Even a happy atmosphere can become overwhelming; joyful children’s music alongside their screams of excitement and giggles of delight, can quickly turn into chaotic desire to scream “SHUT UP!” to the world. But the only ones to hear this cry of anger are the children. They will process it as them being the reason for your misery, since they cannot see inside your mind and wouldn’t understand it anyway if they could. It pains me to admit, being verbally cruel to my children, even unintentionally, has been an issue in our lives. 

When pessimism and negativity take root in the mind it is quite easily projected onto the people around us. Whether the abuse is intentional or not, it needs to be acknowledged and addressed. Brushing off hurtful interactions with your children, because you accept and forgive yourself does not heal the holes you put in their heart.

The reality is bones heal. They are reset and cast, usually a routine procedure. However, the spirit of a person injured by weaponized vocabulary, has no emergency protocol or specialized surgery. Wounds left by words hurt the worst of all and leave scars that build up over a lifetime. Each one contributes to a different idea the injured has formed about themselves and their self-worth. A child should always feel a certain degree better after interacting with their parents, never worse.

Mindful Minute:

• Are you mindful of your words and language when speaking to your child?
• Does this change when you are upset? How?
• Do you apologize for your parenting mistakes? Why?
• Do you talk with your child about your emotions and mental health?
• Why or why not?
• Do you wish anything was different about your communication with your child?
• What steps can you take to try and improve your family interactions?